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Who: Atsuro Kihara and Kazuya Minegishi
Where: Land of Awkwardness and Attempted Fratricide
When: Right after the Taurus event
Warnings: None
Summary: At least they had both tried to kill each other mutually so the guilt went both ways.

The morning after the 26th, Atsuro woke up to three separate, unhappy realizations.

First, some nefarious villain had stolen into his room and ripped his curtains; more important - perhaps most importantly - they had undone his careful arrangement of all of his games by alphabetical order and production company. Second, some other nefarious villain - perhaps the same one - had left a prop sword so that he almost impaled himself when he rolled out of bed.

Third, shame. Crippling debilitating shame.

He spends the first two hours cleaning his room (an hour and forty minutes of it checking and double-checking that all of his games, computer paraphernalia, and hacking tools were still present and accounted for), the next two hours deciding he needed another nap after all of that work, and then another two hours hoping lunch would magically appear on his desk so he wouldn't have to actually go outside for a week or so.

He weighs the pros and cons of starving as opposed to ever running into Kazuya again; starving almost seemed like the better option until he remembered that starving would mean he would never get to play Devil Kids: Spirit Hackers 4 which was supposed to come out in less than six months and promised over 600 different monsters to catch.

Hey Kazuya.

Can we meet up?

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"You're sorry?"

Atsuro considers this apology with no little amount of surprise. ...Oh yeah. He supposes, on the whole, that Kazuya had probably done more damage to the city overall, even if Atsuro's guilt was more personal. Kazuya hadn't personally hunted down his best friend or anything, after all...

He glances away with some discomfort. He knows the right words to speak here, but they didn't feel right coming from his lips when he wasn't sure he fully believed them, himself. At least, not when pertaining to himself.

"...Hey. Don't you remember what happened last time? Back in October."

"Sorta," Kazuya muttered, looking everywhere but at Atsuro. He'd been mostly MIA regarding that whole fiasco, because he didn't want to get overly involved in a mass invasion of a city he had no obligations towards (that didn't mean he left people to fend for themselves, he protected a few civilians if he saw them getting swarmed).

Ah, wait-

"You mean, when people went crazy nuts?"

"...Yeah. The last astrology... thing."

Atsuro, too, seems to be having some difficulty keeping his gaze straight. He settles with staring at Kazuya's shoulder. It was a very nice shoulder, a pleasant obtuse curve, though it could have been much improved had Kazuya's posture been a bit better.

"And not to be a narcissist or anything, but... do you remember what I said afterwards?"

< Everyone! I've got good news! You're forgiven! >

"...It was easy to say when I wasn't involved - or anyone I knew all that well. But even if it's a lot more personal this time, it's still true, right?"

"Forgiven?"

Kazuya chewed on the inside of his cheek until it hurt, fighting down the sudden urge to laugh horribly. Wait, Atsuro was forgiving him? That wasn't right, a traitorous part of his mind whispered, that wasn't right at all. Come on, this was wrong. He should be - no, why was he thinking that. He should be happy that his friend didn't want to run screaming to the hills. But, forgiven? No, it felt wrong...

He pulled a face - he honestly didn't know what expression he was trying to make. He felt like he was going to split in half somehow. "Atsuro... I, nearly killed you. That's not something you just, say, 'oh, it's forgiven' to," he muttered, "Hell, maybe I actually did kill someone, maybe not by my hands-" Although he had tried, because he remember burying his hands into someone's stomach and trying to strangle them with their intestines what the hell self- "-But the demons I summoned..."

Kazuya trailed off, his gaze firmly on his feet. It wasn't like him to be gloomy. He normally fought against these kind of bad things by laughing at it. It wasn't serious if you could laugh at it, make a joke about it - but he couldn't find anything to joke about this. He couldn't even muster a weak laugh. It just died in his throat whenever he tried.

"I don't even have the excuse of being possessed by that Bull thing like you were."

"...What?"

Atsuro will blink at his friend in some surprise. The possibility that Kazuya and Shura had been acting on some other impulse had never crossed his mind. Acting insane on the night of the 26th - there was no other reason for it apart from the alignment of the stars, right?

"What do you mean? Everything that happened last night was because of the zodiac thing, wasn't it? None of us would ever have done anything like that if we'd been acting sane."

"..."

Kazuya's shoulders were hunched. This was where things were going to get awkward, huh? Truthfully, Kazuya was not as human as Atsuro liked him to be. Back home, rioters still rose up now and then, angels still plagued Tokyo, and Kazuya - well, Kazuya found it fun. To crush them. To be able to stand there and watch as demons leapt to obey his every whim. It was a part of him, that sadistic sort of enjoyment, bolstered by the Bels residing in him, and although he kept it on a tight leash to make sure innocents weren't harmed, although he tried...

"Well... my targets would have been in a narrower range, yeah..." Kazuya joked weakly, rubbing at his shoulder.

It was still an ugly side to him that was there, no matter how much he tried to pretend it wasn't.

"...I'm not sure I'm following."

Atsuro's face was beginning to flush for no reason he could understand. He could hear his heartbeat begin to drum in his ears; though his mind couldn't quite catch up with what Kazuya was trying to convey, he knew, subconsciously, that something had gone awry with the conversation.

"You're not saying you knew what you were doing the whole time?"

Of course that wasn't true. His memories of last night were foggy, but he could at least recall the moment when Kazuya had first snapped to his senses and screamed his name. It had been a terribly... anguished sort of sound.

Kazuya made a weird snorting noise, and he pressed his hand against his temple as if dealing with a somewhat agitating headache. "No, no, that's not what I'm trying to say. I'm just sayin' that something like this... it's, it's..."

He could feel himself start to twitch anxiously. He didn't even know why he was doing this. He liked Atsuro being his friend, and thinking that he was Kazuya, no matter what - but last night had been like a horrible slap in the face. What was he doing? Sitting around here playing at human when he so totally wasn't anymore? The fact that these Zodiac events were reoccurring meant this could happen again. And what if next time he- he didn't recognise Atsuro at the last moment? What if he...?

Kazuya was cold at the thought. He didn't want to even consider it.

"Everything's forgiven cuz you weren't in your right mind. That's what you meant before, right? That's wrong. It's wrong. This is going to happen again, this just proved that these events are reoccuring and, and what if it's gonna be my sign next? I'm a fucking-" He cut himself off with an odd noise, racking his fingers through his hair. "It's not something just forgiven..."

"...Come on."

He still hadn't the least idea what Kazuya was going on about, but whatever it was obviously encompassed more than the events of the previous night. Atsuro will take a few steps forward and tug Kazuya away from the water fountain.

"Let's find somewhere to sit. ...You should calm down."

He could still feel the heat of his own discomfort reddening his cheeks. Perhaps he ought to take his own advice. Atsuro takes a few breaths as he walks towards a bench further in the park - and a few feet off the path so as to avoid any curious onlookers.

"This is about what we talked about last time, right? What you said... when you asked if you made the wrong choice."

Kazuya took several deep breaths, the noise ragged and loud, and allowed Atsuro to pull him away from the fountain and deeper into the park. He should calm down, and not get all hysterical over his friend - hah, hysterical. No, he just felt... Kazuya didn't know what he felt, or wanted. He didn't want to push Atsuro away, but at the same time, the events of last night terrified him to the core. He was too selfish to do the 'right thing' and chase Atsuro away, but, so, what-

"...yeah," Kazuya said quietly. "It's -I'm sorry, Atsuro," he suddenly laughed, grinding the heel of his palm into his forehead. "Sorry I'm just out of sorts. It's nothing too bad."

"...Just breathe, Kazuya. ...Although I guess we could avoid this ever happening again if you were constantly passing out from lack of air."

He seats himself on the bench and pulls Kazuya closer.

"OK. ...So. Something about the Taurus stuff affected you last night and made the demon side come out. And you're saying that maybe it won't just be when astrological signs from hell start invading; it might happen some other time, too. ...Is that right?"

"Mn..."

Kazuya perched himself on the very edge of the bench beside Atsuro, his hands clasped in his lap. The pause was a bit awkward, but it was obvious that Kazuya was trying to say something - just unsure on how to phrase it.

In the end, he decided for bluntness.

"The Bel demons talk to me," he finally blurted, "In my head. I can feel their hatred and thoughts, and, sometimes, when I'm fighting, I don't know where I end and when they begin. It gets worse as time goes on, and, last night..."

Last night was an ugly glimpse into what he was becoming, wasn't it?

"...Um."

Well that hadn't been anything like what he was expecting Kazuya to say. Atsuro blinks wordlessly for a moment or two after this revelation.

".........Huh."

Another few moments.

"...I thought we agreed you weren't going to sprout any heads out of your torso or anything."

Ah, poor humor, Atsuro's solution for every dilemma.

"That doesn't seem right. You were supposed to be the winner. The master. ...Mastery entails everyone else shutting up, doesn't it?"

Kazuya let out a bark of laughter. "It should! But... it doesn't..." he sighed, scrubbing at his hair with his fingers. This was awkward. He was freaking Atsuro out, wasn't he?

"It's not like, they're in control of me, at least! It's, just, I get influenced by their... feelings whenever I'm in a high-charged state, like, if I'm really angry, or... something, then their anger just feeds into mine and..." Wait, that doesn't sound any better, "It's... so, if another Zodiac Event happens, that screws with emotions, or if something happens where I feel strongly enough..."

Worse and worse. Fuck, he should just shut up instead.

"...What are your feelings on exorcisms?" A short pause. "I think I have an uncle somewhere who knows an onmyoji." Another pause. "Oh! We could summon a Basilisk and turn you to stone every time one of the 'events' happen!" A longer pause. "...I know they say making yourself throw up is bad for your digestive tract, but maybe you should give it a go, anyway."

Yeah. He was definitely freaking Atsuro out.

"...y'know, it's okay if this scares you," Kazuya said slowly, his fingers curling into the stained fabric of his trousers. He looked at Atsuro from the corner of his eye. "Like, wanting to run away."

"From you?"

Atsuro stops his babbling at this point and raises an eyebrow.

"Kazuya, I've lived through having giant maggots incubated in my chest. On the Belzaboul Scale of Fleeing in Terror, I think this ranks around a 3 and only because I've never seen you lose your cool before seriously though if belzaboul is still there somewhere don't ever let him get out."

Atsuro pauses for a moment to sigh.

"...I'm supposed to be the smart one, right? If you read enough about something, you're supposed to be able to figure it out eventually. Astrology, Nyarlathotep, Bel demons... I haven't been able to help with anything lately.

"What can we do?"

Edited 2013-05-11 18:54 (UTC)

Okay... Atsuro had him there. Nothing Kazuya did could match up to Bel "Gross As Hell" Zaboul.

He seemed to lighten a bit at that, as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He was still worried about what would happen in the future, of accidentally hurting Atsuro, but his friend's fear and avoidance of him would have been equally painful.

"If you don't know, I won't," Kazuya half-laughed, smiling a bit wryly. "You're the brains of this operation. Ah, who knows... maybe we'll stumble into the answer and have it blow up in our faces - like usual."

Atsuro manages a smile, too, though it is indeed tempered with fear. Perhaps not the type of fear Kazuya was thinking of, though... Less than his own safety, the thing he feared now was the thought of losing his friend, one way or another. He shakes his head slightly.

"...Kazuya. ...I'm going to say something that might sound crazy. Hear me out, OK?"

Kazuya's expression fell with worry at Atsuro's sudden serious expression, the tang of fear in the air putting him on slight edge again. He dipped his head , peering up at Atsuro for a long moment before nodding; "Um, sure. I'm listening."

"This is based on thorough research into the concept of the monomyth in literature and composition class as experienced through lots and lots of video game playing, so it's guaranteed to be vaguely accurate."

Because heck if Atsuro has any better precedence to base this situation off of.

"...What if you're experiencing weird side effects exactly because you're not sure you made the right choice? You've obtained the title of Bel King and become master of its power, but a part of you is still rejecting it. And when you push it all down deep inside yourself, it comes lashing out as soon as the door is opened even a tiny bit, enough that you can't control it."

There were a lot of ramifications to what he was suggesting, but Atsuro wasn't allowing himself to process it yet.

"You've gone through your journey and you've fought the demons, and now you're on your way back. ...But you're stuck. You're stuck on purpose - because you're afraid of what it means for your journey to be over or maybe you're afraid that you can't go back. It's the last trial." A short pause before he plunges ahead. "I don't mean that you have to learn to go full demon. But there's a type of 'hero's journey' that's a lot like the stuff we've been through. The hero who has to learn to live in two worlds or to master two sides of himself. ...Like in Last Phantasm IV, when Cecilia has to conquer her dark side and make it a part of her. And if you can do that... you can become a Paladin and your hair will turn white."

Appropriate.

"...I mean, uh, the Bel demons might leave you alone and acknowledge your power."

That... actually made a considerable amount of sense, and the more he turned it over in his head, the more he thought that that was probably it. Kazuya straight up thought he made the wrong choice at times, but he dealt with it by laughing at it and pushing it aside to be dwelt over never - unless something like this occurred that forced him to look at it.

Demonic powers, and demons, probably didn't work like that, huh? They didn't stop existing just because he refused to acknowledge their existence, and, perhaps, probably festered into something worse as time went on. Atsuro was right, Kazuya was afraid, but this wasn't a test of courage where he just leapt into the fray fists swinging. He could do that without hesitating. This would be an internal battle against himself and that... was the one thing Kazuya could never do. See avoidance issues.

"That... sounds plausible, even if you said it in the nerdiest way possible," Kazuya's smile was crooked, and he picked a few flakes of dried blood off of his arm. "But, this 'final trial' stuff doesn't sound like it'll be overcome by me going 'okay I accept everything'. It's all subconscious as well, right?"

"Well... Ideally, one of these days, we'd climb a holy mountain somewhere and all the demons would be projected out from you in some sort of strange spiritual battle and we'd fight them all again to conquer them for good. You know. As a representation of your inner struggle because it's hard to symbolize that kind of thing any other way."

He was talking way too much, but the more he talked, the more he felt as if he knew what he was talking about. Not that it necessarily meant that was true.

"...Maybe a first step would be to decide what you want from all this. ...What do you want?"

That was the million dollar question, huh?

"I want..." Kazuya murmured, his words slow. What did he want? To defeat God? No, that was Naoya's ambition. To save humanity? Kinda? Kazuya didn't really want to crucify himself for them, and to be honest, they just felt like a second priority. It was still a high priority, but his every waking moment and decisions weren't 'How would this affect humanity?'

They barely crossed his mind.

"I... don't know what I want," Kazuya finally said. "It just seemed like the safest, and most logical way to get out of the Lockdown. I just had to do all this beating God up crap afterwards." That he still needed to do.

"Ah..."

No Kazuya you were supposed to be the guy with the plan they had all been relying on what had happened to being the leader. Atsuro briefly wonders if maybe his 100% faith had perhaps been slightly pverexaggerated and if he ought to revise his estimates down to maybe 98% or so.

"Well. ...We can figure it out! It will be like... career counseling. In school. ...And you've got lots of time to think. The next event's not going to happen for another few months at least."

It felt nice having a potential solution for something for once, anyway.

"So. Where do you see yourself in 1000 years?"

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