While Atsuro spent his morning of shame in the relative comfort of his apartment, Kazuya had woken up in a tree somewhere, curled up tight in its branches with unholy agony throbbing through his shoulder. He didn't move at first, because he was certain if he did he would throw up, die, or a horrible mixture of the two, but there was something jabbing into his lower back, and he swore there was a spider on his leg, so he very carefully uncoiled himself - and proceeded to slip off and hit almost every branch on the way down.

All in all, it was a pretty shitty morning.

It was when he was groaning quietly to himself into the ground that the horrified shame crept in, and he groaned even louder, doing a perfect imitation of a wailing zombie. The memories were foggy, and got messed up somewhere in the end when that vampire guy ripped off his arm, but he certainly remembered attacking Atsuro.

Fuck, he was going to hate him.

So Kazuya just spent goodness how long (suspected to be over an hour) just lying on the ground in an ungainly heap, feeling thoroughly sorry for himself. Also his arm still hurt. Kazuya didn't even remember reattaching it in the haze of last night, so he wriggled his fingers just to make sure it was still there.

Yeah. It hurt. It was still there.

His wallowing was interrupted when his COMP beeped that he had a message, and with a grunt and a huff, he forced himself to roll over on his back, letting himself access his messages. Ah. It was Atsuro. Kazuya cringed back into the dirt - although this was reassuring, right? If he wanted to see him and not run screaming for the hills.

sure. where.

The park? Well, Kazuya was already at the park, if he was guessing correctly from his low vantage point on the ground, so at least he wouldn't have to move. Wide open spaces too, and public - plenty of room to run away if Atsuro was pissed to high heaven...

i'm at the park. just chillin on the grass. yknow.

Well, it was technically true.

where in the park do you wanna meet?

kay. i'll be at the entrance.

Kazuya didn't move immediately, of course. He stared up at the sky, filled with indecision. He wasn't a coward, but he certainly felt like one at that moment. Atsuro was his nearest and dearest friend, the only one who stuck by him without an ulterior motive even when he chose to become a demon. He didn't want to lose that. If he met up with Atsuro, and he changed his mind, and left, Kazuya had no idea what he would do.

...

Well, lying here in gloomy defeat wasn't going to solve anything. As much as he feared the meeting, he would have to get it over and done with.

Kazuya hauled himself to his feet. It was slow going, as every inch of him was aching and bruised, but he powered through it, slowly getting his bearings and beginning to limp towards the Leo entrance. He was aware now, though, that he wasn't really fit for public. His cloak had vanished, and the clothes he was wearing were covered in soot and dried blood, a few rips and tears here and there. The sleeve of his left arm was gone, and the skin there was smeared with some strange, black stains. Blood. Demon blood, to be specific.

He didn't dare look at his arm though. Remembering it being dismembered made him feel quite ill.

After an eternity, or so it felt, Kazuya dragged his sorry self to the Leo entrance - or rather, the water fountain near the entrance. He should at least try to get this crap off of his face and hands, at least. Well, he tried, in any case. The soot had mixed with the blood into some unholy, sticky abomination that clung to his skin stubbornly, until he was forced to pick at the dried lumps with his fingernails. He was quite absorbed in his task at this point.

"...!! Oh- shit fuck..."

Kazuya jumped a foot in the air from surprise, not having heard Atsuro approach, and ended up splashing a load of water down his front. He made a weary, half-exasperated, half-irritated laugh, and turned slightly, peeking at Atsuro from over his shoulder.

His friend looked okay. He didn't seem injured or bloodied or anything too terrible, and Kazuya felt a knot of anxiety loosen slightly in his stomach. He had been worried that he might've accidentally hurt him permanently when fighting him...

"Hey! Uh... sorry, I... kinda took a kip in the park last night, and... yeah. Taking a shower, thing. Or, trying to, you know, living the great hobo life! Ahah...ah..."

Awkward laughter. Great.

Kazuya dropped the smile, turning away from the fountain completely. He looked worse from the front. His shirt was mostly dried blood and soot at this point - utterly and completely ruined. It was his favourite shirt too... man, way to fulfil a cliche.

"Nah, m'fine..." Kazuya said, lifting his hand to rub at his left arm. It was the one that had been ripped off last night. It was feeling weird, now that he was becoming accustommed to the ache, but it felt secure... even if he could feel the skin a bit torn and ragged underneath a thick layer of blood near the shoulder. It probably hadn't healed the top layer of severed skin yet.

"Kinda, anyway," he dropped his hand with a sigh. He couldn't avoid it any longer. Just looking at Atsuro made him flush with shame. "So...I'm, I'm, I'm really... really sorry, Atsuro. I don't, I don't know what came over me last night, and..."

"Sorta," Kazuya muttered, looking everywhere but at Atsuro. He'd been mostly MIA regarding that whole fiasco, because he didn't want to get overly involved in a mass invasion of a city he had no obligations towards (that didn't mean he left people to fend for themselves, he protected a few civilians if he saw them getting swarmed).

Ah, wait-

"You mean, when people went crazy nuts?"

"Forgiven?"

Kazuya chewed on the inside of his cheek until it hurt, fighting down the sudden urge to laugh horribly. Wait, Atsuro was forgiving him? That wasn't right, a traitorous part of his mind whispered, that wasn't right at all. Come on, this was wrong. He should be - no, why was he thinking that. He should be happy that his friend didn't want to run screaming to the hills. But, forgiven? No, it felt wrong...

He pulled a face - he honestly didn't know what expression he was trying to make. He felt like he was going to split in half somehow. "Atsuro... I, nearly killed you. That's not something you just, say, 'oh, it's forgiven' to," he muttered, "Hell, maybe I actually did kill someone, maybe not by my hands-" Although he had tried, because he remember burying his hands into someone's stomach and trying to strangle them with their intestines what the hell self- "-But the demons I summoned..."

Kazuya trailed off, his gaze firmly on his feet. It wasn't like him to be gloomy. He normally fought against these kind of bad things by laughing at it. It wasn't serious if you could laugh at it, make a joke about it - but he couldn't find anything to joke about this. He couldn't even muster a weak laugh. It just died in his throat whenever he tried.

"I don't even have the excuse of being possessed by that Bull thing like you were."

"..."

Kazuya's shoulders were hunched. This was where things were going to get awkward, huh? Truthfully, Kazuya was not as human as Atsuro liked him to be. Back home, rioters still rose up now and then, angels still plagued Tokyo, and Kazuya - well, Kazuya found it fun. To crush them. To be able to stand there and watch as demons leapt to obey his every whim. It was a part of him, that sadistic sort of enjoyment, bolstered by the Bels residing in him, and although he kept it on a tight leash to make sure innocents weren't harmed, although he tried...

"Well... my targets would have been in a narrower range, yeah..." Kazuya joked weakly, rubbing at his shoulder.

It was still an ugly side to him that was there, no matter how much he tried to pretend it wasn't.

Kazuya made a weird snorting noise, and he pressed his hand against his temple as if dealing with a somewhat agitating headache. "No, no, that's not what I'm trying to say. I'm just sayin' that something like this... it's, it's..."

He could feel himself start to twitch anxiously. He didn't even know why he was doing this. He liked Atsuro being his friend, and thinking that he was Kazuya, no matter what - but last night had been like a horrible slap in the face. What was he doing? Sitting around here playing at human when he so totally wasn't anymore? The fact that these Zodiac events were reoccurring meant this could happen again. And what if next time he- he didn't recognise Atsuro at the last moment? What if he...?

Kazuya was cold at the thought. He didn't want to even consider it.

"Everything's forgiven cuz you weren't in your right mind. That's what you meant before, right? That's wrong. It's wrong. This is going to happen again, this just proved that these events are reoccuring and, and what if it's gonna be my sign next? I'm a fucking-" He cut himself off with an odd noise, racking his fingers through his hair. "It's not something just forgiven..."

Kazuya took several deep breaths, the noise ragged and loud, and allowed Atsuro to pull him away from the fountain and deeper into the park. He should calm down, and not get all hysterical over his friend - hah, hysterical. No, he just felt... Kazuya didn't know what he felt, or wanted. He didn't want to push Atsuro away, but at the same time, the events of last night terrified him to the core. He was too selfish to do the 'right thing' and chase Atsuro away, but, so, what-

"...yeah," Kazuya said quietly. "It's -I'm sorry, Atsuro," he suddenly laughed, grinding the heel of his palm into his forehead. "Sorry I'm just out of sorts. It's nothing too bad."

"Mn..."

Kazuya perched himself on the very edge of the bench beside Atsuro, his hands clasped in his lap. The pause was a bit awkward, but it was obvious that Kazuya was trying to say something - just unsure on how to phrase it.

In the end, he decided for bluntness.

"The Bel demons talk to me," he finally blurted, "In my head. I can feel their hatred and thoughts, and, sometimes, when I'm fighting, I don't know where I end and when they begin. It gets worse as time goes on, and, last night..."

Last night was an ugly glimpse into what he was becoming, wasn't it?

Kazuya let out a bark of laughter. "It should! But... it doesn't..." he sighed, scrubbing at his hair with his fingers. This was awkward. He was freaking Atsuro out, wasn't he?

"It's not like, they're in control of me, at least! It's, just, I get influenced by their... feelings whenever I'm in a high-charged state, like, if I'm really angry, or... something, then their anger just feeds into mine and..." Wait, that doesn't sound any better, "It's... so, if another Zodiac Event happens, that screws with emotions, or if something happens where I feel strongly enough..."

Worse and worse. Fuck, he should just shut up instead.

Yeah. He was definitely freaking Atsuro out.

"...y'know, it's okay if this scares you," Kazuya said slowly, his fingers curling into the stained fabric of his trousers. He looked at Atsuro from the corner of his eye. "Like, wanting to run away."