Atsuro Kihara (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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destinystrings2013-05-08 11:21 pm
otakuro) wrote in destinystrings2013-05-08 11:21 pm
Entry tags:
[Closed]
Who: Atsuro Kihara and Kazuya Minegishi
Where: Land of Awkwardness and Attempted Fratricide
When: Right after the Taurus event
Warnings: None
Summary: At least they had both tried to kill each other mutually so the guilt went both ways.
The morning after the 26th, Atsuro woke up to three separate, unhappy realizations.
First, some nefarious villain had stolen into his room and ripped his curtains; more important - perhaps most importantly - they had undone his careful arrangement of all of his games by alphabetical order and production company. Second, some other nefarious villain - perhaps the same one - had left a prop sword so that he almost impaled himself when he rolled out of bed.
Third, shame. Crippling debilitating shame.
He spends the first two hours cleaning his room (an hour and forty minutes of it checking and double-checking that all of his games, computer paraphernalia, and hacking tools were still present and accounted for), the next two hours deciding he needed another nap after all of that work, and then another two hours hoping lunch would magically appear on his desk so he wouldn't have to actually go outside for a week or so.
He weighs the pros and cons of starving as opposed to ever running into Kazuya again; starving almost seemed like the better option until he remembered that starving would mean he would never get to play Devil Kids: Spirit Hackers 4 which was supposed to come out in less than six months and promised over 600 different monsters to catch.
Hey Kazuya.
Can we meet up?
Where: Land of Awkwardness and Attempted Fratricide
When: Right after the Taurus event
Warnings: None
Summary: At least they had both tried to kill each other mutually so the guilt went both ways.
The morning after the 26th, Atsuro woke up to three separate, unhappy realizations.
First, some nefarious villain had stolen into his room and ripped his curtains; more important - perhaps most importantly - they had undone his careful arrangement of all of his games by alphabetical order and production company. Second, some other nefarious villain - perhaps the same one - had left a prop sword so that he almost impaled himself when he rolled out of bed.
Third, shame. Crippling debilitating shame.
He spends the first two hours cleaning his room (an hour and forty minutes of it checking and double-checking that all of his games, computer paraphernalia, and hacking tools were still present and accounted for), the next two hours deciding he needed another nap after all of that work, and then another two hours hoping lunch would magically appear on his desk so he wouldn't have to actually go outside for a week or so.
He weighs the pros and cons of starving as opposed to ever running into Kazuya again; starving almost seemed like the better option until he remembered that starving would mean he would never get to play Devil Kids: Spirit Hackers 4 which was supposed to come out in less than six months and promised over 600 different monsters to catch.
Hey Kazuya.
Can we meet up?
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Atsuro's face was beginning to flush for no reason he could understand. He could hear his heartbeat begin to drum in his ears; though his mind couldn't quite catch up with what Kazuya was trying to convey, he knew, subconsciously, that something had gone awry with the conversation.
"You're not saying you knew what you were doing the whole time?"
Of course that wasn't true. His memories of last night were foggy, but he could at least recall the moment when Kazuya had first snapped to his senses and screamed his name. It had been a terribly... anguished sort of sound.
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He could feel himself start to twitch anxiously. He didn't even know why he was doing this. He liked Atsuro being his friend, and thinking that he was Kazuya, no matter what - but last night had been like a horrible slap in the face. What was he doing? Sitting around here playing at human when he so totally wasn't anymore? The fact that these Zodiac events were reoccurring meant this could happen again. And what if next time he- he didn't recognise Atsuro at the last moment? What if he...?
Kazuya was cold at the thought. He didn't want to even consider it.
"Everything's forgiven cuz you weren't in your right mind. That's what you meant before, right? That's wrong. It's wrong. This is going to happen again, this just proved that these events are reoccuring and, and what if it's gonna be my sign next? I'm a fucking-" He cut himself off with an odd noise, racking his fingers through his hair. "It's not something just forgiven..."
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He still hadn't the least idea what Kazuya was going on about, but whatever it was obviously encompassed more than the events of the previous night. Atsuro will take a few steps forward and tug Kazuya away from the water fountain.
"Let's find somewhere to sit. ...You should calm down."
He could still feel the heat of his own discomfort reddening his cheeks. Perhaps he ought to take his own advice. Atsuro takes a few breaths as he walks towards a bench further in the park - and a few feet off the path so as to avoid any curious onlookers.
"This is about what we talked about last time, right? What you said... when you asked if you made the wrong choice."
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"...yeah," Kazuya said quietly. "It's -I'm sorry, Atsuro," he suddenly laughed, grinding the heel of his palm into his forehead. "Sorry I'm just out of sorts. It's nothing too bad."
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He seats himself on the bench and pulls Kazuya closer.
"OK. ...So. Something about the Taurus stuff affected you last night and made the demon side come out. And you're saying that maybe it won't just be when astrological signs from hell start invading; it might happen some other time, too. ...Is that right?"
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Kazuya perched himself on the very edge of the bench beside Atsuro, his hands clasped in his lap. The pause was a bit awkward, but it was obvious that Kazuya was trying to say something - just unsure on how to phrase it.
In the end, he decided for bluntness.
"The Bel demons talk to me," he finally blurted, "In my head. I can feel their hatred and thoughts, and, sometimes, when I'm fighting, I don't know where I end and when they begin. It gets worse as time goes on, and, last night..."
Last night was an ugly glimpse into what he was becoming, wasn't it?
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Well that hadn't been anything like what he was expecting Kazuya to say. Atsuro blinks wordlessly for a moment or two after this revelation.
".........Huh."
Another few moments.
"...I thought we agreed you weren't going to sprout any heads out of your torso or anything."
Ah, poor humor, Atsuro's solution for every dilemma.
"That doesn't seem right. You were supposed to be the winner. The master. ...Mastery entails everyone else shutting up, doesn't it?"
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"It's not like, they're in control of me, at least! It's, just, I get influenced by their... feelings whenever I'm in a high-charged state, like, if I'm really angry, or... something, then their anger just feeds into mine and..." Wait, that doesn't sound any better, "It's... so, if another Zodiac Event happens, that screws with emotions, or if something happens where I feel strongly enough..."
Worse and worse. Fuck, he should just shut up instead.
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"...y'know, it's okay if this scares you," Kazuya said slowly, his fingers curling into the stained fabric of his trousers. He looked at Atsuro from the corner of his eye. "Like, wanting to run away."
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Atsuro stops his babbling at this point and raises an eyebrow.
"Kazuya, I've lived through having giant maggots incubated in my chest. On the Belzaboul Scale of Fleeing in Terror, I think this ranks around a 3 and only because I've never seen you lose your cool before seriously though if belzaboul is still there somewhere don't ever let him get out."
Atsuro pauses for a moment to sigh.
"...I'm supposed to be the smart one, right? If you read enough about something, you're supposed to be able to figure it out eventually. Astrology, Nyarlathotep, Bel demons... I haven't been able to help with anything lately.
"What can we do?"
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He seemed to lighten a bit at that, as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He was still worried about what would happen in the future, of accidentally hurting Atsuro, but his friend's fear and avoidance of him would have been equally painful.
"If you don't know, I won't," Kazuya half-laughed, smiling a bit wryly. "You're the brains of this operation. Ah, who knows... maybe we'll stumble into the answer and have it blow up in our faces - like usual."
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"...Kazuya. ...I'm going to say something that might sound crazy. Hear me out, OK?"
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Because heck if Atsuro has any better precedence to base this situation off of.
"...What if you're experiencing weird side effects exactly because you're not sure you made the right choice? You've obtained the title of Bel King and become master of its power, but a part of you is still rejecting it. And when you push it all down deep inside yourself, it comes lashing out as soon as the door is opened even a tiny bit, enough that you can't control it."
There were a lot of ramifications to what he was suggesting, but Atsuro wasn't allowing himself to process it yet.
"You've gone through your journey and you've fought the demons, and now you're on your way back. ...But you're stuck. You're stuck on purpose - because you're afraid of what it means for your journey to be over or maybe you're afraid that you can't go back. It's the last trial." A short pause before he plunges ahead. "I don't mean that you have to learn to go full demon. But there's a type of 'hero's journey' that's a lot like the stuff we've been through. The hero who has to learn to live in two worlds or to master two sides of himself. ...Like in Last Phantasm IV, when Cecilia has to conquer her dark side and make it a part of her. And if you can do that... you can become a Paladin and your hair will turn white."
Appropriate.
"...I mean, uh, the Bel demons might leave you alone and acknowledge your power."
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Demonic powers, and demons, probably didn't work like that, huh? They didn't stop existing just because he refused to acknowledge their existence, and, perhaps, probably festered into something worse as time went on. Atsuro was right, Kazuya was afraid, but this wasn't a test of courage where he just leapt into the fray fists swinging. He could do that without hesitating. This would be an internal battle against himself and that... was the one thing Kazuya could never do. See avoidance issues.
"That... sounds plausible, even if you said it in the nerdiest way possible," Kazuya's smile was crooked, and he picked a few flakes of dried blood off of his arm. "But, this 'final trial' stuff doesn't sound like it'll be overcome by me going 'okay I accept everything'. It's all subconscious as well, right?"
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He was talking way too much, but the more he talked, the more he felt as if he knew what he was talking about. Not that it necessarily meant that was true.
"...Maybe a first step would be to decide what you want from all this. ...What do you want?"
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"I want..." Kazuya murmured, his words slow. What did he want? To defeat God? No, that was Naoya's ambition. To save humanity? Kinda? Kazuya didn't really want to crucify himself for them, and to be honest, they just felt like a second priority. It was still a high priority, but his every waking moment and decisions weren't 'How would this affect humanity?'
They barely crossed his mind.
"I... don't know what I want," Kazuya finally said. "It just seemed like the safest, and most logical way to get out of the Lockdown. I just had to do all this beating God up crap afterwards." That he still needed to do.
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No Kazuya you were supposed to be the guy with the plan they had all been relying on what had happened to being the leader. Atsuro briefly wonders if maybe his 100% faith had perhaps been slightly pverexaggerated and if he ought to revise his estimates down to maybe 98% or so.
"Well. ...We can figure it out! It will be like... career counseling. In school. ...And you've got lots of time to think. The next event's not going to happen for another few months at least."
It felt nice having a potential solution for something for once, anyway.
"So. Where do you see yourself in 1000 years?"
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Well. Okay. The corner of his mouth was twitching upwards a little. Ninety eight per cent serious.
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Atsuro prods Kazuya in the face.
"I liked it better when you were upset about this."
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Atsuro gives a small shrug.
"It kinda freaks me out, too. But I guess... it helps me deal with things better if there's actually some kind of plan involved. Being able to take control, you know?"
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Kazuya sat there with a small frown for a long moment, twisting his fingers together on his lap. He had to get over this mental block of his then. That's all. Easy as pie, right? Hahah, right...
"Wouldn't this be easier if there was some kind of therapist that dealt with Demon Kings, oi..."
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Atsuro turns to Kazuya with a strange expression.
"We're all pretty new to this demon stuff, right, even if you do have ultimate power or something. What if we asked some kind of demon that had understanding of the heart? I mean, you were using Norn for gambling tips..."
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